08-09-08 [Sunday]

Okay, it's early in the morning and I have to update quickly.
I want to sleep.

I started work Friday.
It was pretty sweet.
There's a lot of fun staff, specially Bullet Mike.
He's pretty cool.

I worked yesterday too.
My back and knee kill.
I've been working 3-10, which is close.
Tomorrow I work 7-3.
So I have to wake up at five thirty, shower, and get ready.
:]

This should be fun.
Except I won't be able to work with Bullet Mike.
:[
Or DeLuca, which I forgot to say that I've been working with him too.
It's going to be weird tomorrow, since I won't be closing.
It's going to be busy, Sunday mornings usually are.

I'll update later.
Night.

P.S.
I'm being called Gomez from everyone at work.
It's fun stuff.
I like singing and dancing with them too.

08-05-08 [Tuesday]

Okay, today I went to Stony Creek with Grandma, Tia, Uribi, Ana and Hero.
That was actually surprisingly nice.
I figured I'd be annoyed because I'd be hot and tired, since I got no sleep, but that went well.

I neglected to get on earlier and say that I got a call from Kevin, the manager at Andary's.
He told me that I worked Sunday from seven to three.
That's some good stuff, but even better is:
He called again today and said that I work Saturday three to close.
I know I'm really excited right now, and in a couple hours of working I'm going to be annoyed with it and my social life will decline about fifty percent of what it already is, but I really really need money.

I'm so happy for Hero.
Tomorrow one of his wildest dreams comes true, I believe.
While that happens for him, I'll probably be going to hang out with P Money and Sareezy.

I love going back and reading old entries.
They're so lame and idiotic, this one will be too in a couple months.
But right now I'm happy, even though I haven't seen Dr. Sams yet, I'm happy.
This is going to be temporary, so I have to enjoy every minute of it.

I have a good life; mom's a bit annoying on rare occasion, but she's the best.
Uribi has been getting less aggravating, it's fun being able to just hang out with her and joke about dumb things, even though they can also be the type of things people her age aren't supposed to know about, but who am I kidding, I knew those things before I was her age.
Ana is a handful, that's certain, but she's growing, kids get like that.
My grandma might not have a job, but that's not going to be taken as a bad sign, we'll make the better of this and everything will be fine again.
My aunt, as annoying and hypersensitive as she can get, is really fun to have around.
Hero and I haven't been getting into any disputes, so I'm not irritated with his presence which is good, since he's been living here a while.
The friends I have are amazing, I take them fore granted but they are a blast to have.

And I love.
There, I said it.
Cat's out of the bag.
I know I said I'd never get into that again but...
Well, I'm a person who easily disappoints.
It's a wonderful feeling though, it really is.
Let's hope I don't do any more disappointing things though, eh?

08-01-08 [Friday]

Here we go, nine minutes to four, and only two more hours till everyone wakes up.
What can I cram?

I've been hanging out with Hero a lot lately.
This mainly has to do with the fact that he now lives here.
I'm sure this is going to make things a bit more difficult in the process of doing certain things in life, like inviting people over, or going out with others, etc. And I'm not saying this on my part, but on his as well.

My aunt from Venezuela and Grandma are finally here, actually, they came here Monday, but you get the gist.
Due to my aunt's hypersensitivity, I have to keep a close eye on what I do in order not to upset her, just petty things that might mean no harm.
But other than that, it's nice having her around, speaking spanish again is pretty fun, and it's also pretty humorous watching everyone speaking it sixty miles an hour and Hero just watching with a gaze of confusion.
It's also sad now that I have to share my treats with him.
I like my Venezuelan candy...

Uribi and I have been getting along lately.
It's a bit odd and stuff, but things have been alright between us.
I think the whole Manistee trip strengthened our bond or something.

Oh, Manistee was fun, I went about a week or two before with Dre, P Money and Sareezy, as well as the family and Uribi's friend Brian.
That was nice actually, I was finally able to get my tan on.
It's also been nice to go on a family vacation, we haven't been in one since...I believe four years?
We might go there again with my aunt and grandma this time, but I don't know, the day we left it turns out all Manistee beaches were closed because of garbage being dumped into the lake.

Manic Depression.
It actually explains an awful lot.
That and the bipolar whatever.
I checked everything and I have all the signs, and then some.
Yesterday I talked to mom about it and she said that I very well could have it.
Turns out it kinda runs through some family or what not, we'll have to go see Dr. Sams though...
Thing is, I was doing alright for the most part all but...Friday until today.
I've just been really upset about things, but that's because I'm a complete waste of life.

On Friday I played "I Want To Know Your Plans" on the guitar.
I messed up just a bit but that's surprising since I was completely freaking out about it three days before it.
Anxiety and Panic attacks galore.
But I did it, and I got through the song until the dancing happened, and that was nice.

Speaking of dancing...
I'm really looking forward to Homecoming this year.
I know that's still to come, but the fact that I'll be able to have everything planned before it, and not have to worry about someone else is just a big relief.
Except I will have to take someone to account, but I won't be worried about it.
Well, that's what I thought, but now that I think about it, that nervous feeling you get in your gut just kinda forms.
I think I'm just nervous about the pictures and not looking like a fool, but the actual dancing should be fun.
And I'm aware that it's still early, but I believe I already have what I'm going to wear.
Let's go!

Going to Andary's today was nice.
I was able to finally see Pete and ask about the job.
Since he had just finished hiring some people, there aren't any jobs for me to take, but the fact that the family and him are friends puts me right in the number one spot for when they do need someone.
That's really exciting, I know I'm not going to like it when I do it, but right now, I can't wait for a job, I'm in some serious need for cash.
Which is weird that I say this because I magically find money in my wallet.
The other day when I took everything out to change wallets it turned out that I had around a hundred something dollars!
And that's not even adding the fifty that I got today for yard work.

Having money's going to be nice...
I'll finally be able to split fifty fifty between the things I want.
Actually, maybe a bit less than that, because I'll need to buy my aunt's car from her, when the time comes, and then there's college, and leisure spending.
As far as the leisure spending goes, I've been thinking about it, today actually, and saving for a really really really nice camera would really come in handy, not to mention a new computer, not because this computer is bad, which it kind of is, but it's still good, but because I want to use the new computer for advanced programs like Maya and all the other things my aunt is doing.

I mention this because she found out that there's a lady who wants to use Macomb College to build a 2D and 3D lab where there would be a lot of career advancements and that such.
Since I'm still hesitant about my career choice, that would be really nice to go for.
That or something that involves electronic, all I've been doing today is just taking phones apart, settings things to certain ways, and fixing everything within the phone and then putting it back together, and it was surprisingly fun, but I'd rather do Maya.

That was some pretty lengthy writing...
I'm proud of it, since I didn't really stretch things out with unnecessary "..." or pressing enter more than needed.
But this isn't really even half of what's needed to day.

For example; I now have some of Abuelito's things, like his shoes, dress shirts, and his really nice watch. I also have a rain stick from Venezuela, I know that might sound lame and whatever, but it's completely hand made and out of wood too. There are more things of course, but that's all that I can momentarily think of, but I'm sure when I remember I'll write it down.
Except I'm not sure how often I'll be able to get on, the only way I write this is when I'm kind of in peace by myself, but I'm actually not.
Hero's sleeping on my bed, and I don't even know how, I'm the one who usually falls asleep first, which is odd because I rarely do sleep.
But since I have nothing else to write, as of now, I'll stop.

Hope everyone's doing good.

Lame Super Powers [Help Me Out]

The power to make people sneeze
The power to make dirt
The power to make shades of color between purple and gray
The power to make things into the number six
The power to make things into the number nine
The power to see any color
The power to have rainbow eyes
The power to fold clothes really fast
The power to skip high
The power to get really really fat, and that's just it.
The power to become a terrorist
The power to change your clothes from a suit to a dress, or vice versa.
The power to lick your elbow.


What else...?
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06-22-08 [Sunday]

The week was grueling.
I was able to spend most of it talking to Angela one way or another.
There was also the great deal of being a fat ass.
I know what I said, the whole anorexic deal, and I actually meant it.
Well...I meant it because I truly thought that was going to happen.
Little did I know that being able to drive whenever you want, without a care in the world about the amount of gas spent, would bring you the most joyous carbs known to man.
Taco Bell.
I've spent close to all my money on it and I've gotten fatter than before.
Nothing new really happened other than that...
Except I drew and colored.
A lot.
In an odd way it kept my mind out of it...in a way.

But tomorrow's Monday.
I start college, whoo!
Slight bit...
I was lucky enough to get some computer classes with some of aunty's help.
I'm back to the "wake up at five to go back to sleep to wake up in a couple hours" schedule.
8:00-4:30
All this week.
Tomorrow I get to hang out with K Sizzle.
I'm looking forward to that, but then the rest of the week is back to nothing.

I'm sure things will fall in place though...
It always tends to happen that way.

Oh, I neglected to say earlier that I've been talking to Monkey lately.
And then she brought up Hero's business when she had no right to.
Then, after telling her that what she was doing, was wrong, she had no remorse.
She actually thought that what she was doing was okay.
But whatever, I'm tired of her attitude.
She's not giving me any, she's just acting like an Asian school girl.
And we all know where that ends...
Nowhere good.

Well...that's a wrap.

06-17-08 [Tuesday]

My great grandpa Pablo passed away on the sixth.
That day was going alright some bothersome things were on my mind, but still, David and Tammy came over, we just chilled for a bit, then they left and I just sat on my bed and started talking to Hero on the phone, he told me he'd call me back, and five minutes after I hung up with him my sister rushed down the stairs at first I was confused, her face was read and puffy, "Andrez get ready, we're going to grandma's house, Grandpa Pablo passed away"
I didn't cry.
There was no way he was dead.
I fell back on my bed and my eyes were suddenly hot. Still no tears, just hot.
Not too long I had been whining and complaining about a problem that didn't have to big of a problem in the first place, almost bringing myself to tears, but this didn't.
I put my phone in my pocket and got ready to leave.
Mom was crying, her voice cracking as she was talking to grandma on the phone, Uribi was also crying, I was the only one who was functioning through dry eyes.
We got in the phone and thoughts just bomb rushed me.
I realized how pathetic I was, how can I be so cold as to not have any emotion to my great grandfather dying. That man had been there for me when there were no other men to look up to in Venezuela. He spoiled me rotten when no one else would. And I just sat there...staring. And when he called. I had been so pathetic, lazy, and ignorant to the fact that I wanted to talk less as possible or, God forbid, I'd actually have to go out of my way to speak more Spanish. The thought sickened me. It still does. My stomach was got and I started to feel angry with myself. I started to realize how bad of a family member I really was. I'm aware of the fact that I'm a bad friend, even a bad family member, but I didn't know I was that horrible.
We finally reached my grandma's house and my uncle opened the door.
His face also read and puffy, his eyes slightly squinting, he hugged my mom and my sister, the sighed in shudders releasing the breaths they've been holding in, trying not to cry. I'm still just watching.
Then everyone goes to grandma, who's had it the worst...so then when everyone's done hugging her, it's my turn. The moment I just hugged her, the breakdown started... I could feel everything in my chest just implode.
After a while of just releasing all I've kept, I sat on the couch and just looked at the floor, I couldn't make eye contact. Eventually I headed towards the bathroom to wash my face when I remembered about Hero calling me and how Sudney and Dre had been texting me. I check the phone and I have missed calls and texts. I respond back to the texts and the calls weren't just from Hero, I guess K Sizzle called me, I had forgotten that we needed to talk.
I needed to talk to someone other than my family and so I just walked to the little area around the block and I just sat there. I called Katie an I felt bad that I was calling her late at night, and I still couldn't breathe or talk, and I broke down again. I realized that I probably shouldn't have even tried calling in the first place but she kept saying that she didn't mind.
Then mom texted me saying I had to come back, so I hung up with her and went back there to see Aunty was at home from being out with Joe. So an hour passes by and we get home and mom just goes to her room, Uribi goes to hers and I realized I had to call K Sizzle back, and since it was one in the morning and she just has a house phone I was a little hesitant. But I called anyways and we slightly talked and it was nice to know that I could call her during ridiculous hours and she'd still help me out. But I was keeping her up, she needed sleep even though she didn't want to admit it, so I just told her I'd try to sleep, which was also true.
But I couldn't sleep then, an hour passed, maybe then I slept.

A lot has happened since then.
I've come to realize I'm still a bit...emotional I suppose, but not to where I'll start crying.
I've apologized to the six people.
And I know that just apologizing isn't going to change everything.
I know that it's going to take more than just some words and a blink of an eye and, hey, look at that, I could careless what happened between there and now, come here friend.
That's not going to happen. I know I'm still not liked, I'm still hated or whatever it is they want to say, and I'm not hurt by it. It doesn't bother me, I know why they do, physical pain isn't brought upon me because of their feelings, it just is.
I was hesitant at first about apologizing, I didn't want to do it and then they think I was doing it in search of pity. I didn't even want them to know about it, just so they knew I was apologizing, nothing more, nothing less.
But during the Monday lunch, when I had everything ready to say...I just couldn't do it. My heart rate was doubling, I was getting light headed and sort of dizzy. I would have enjoyed it, if I didn't have something important to say. So I just said sorry, and walked away.
In the courtyard I was greeted by Grace and Strasz.
I know they don't forgive me, they're just sorry it took a death of someone for me to say that to them.
But I said what I needed to and they could continue feeling the same way.

The finals were a bummer, but they were easy.
Then a few days later, I had parties to attend.
Audrey's/Chuck Chuck's bonfire and D Robb's Grad party.
They were nice, calming, too.
But then Sunday passed and all the fun summer was supposed to be collapsed into a big event of boredom.
P Money and Sara were going to go up to Capac, where they would stay for a lengthy amount of time, which Patrick would end up going to Florida for another good amount of time.
K Sizzle was going vacationing with Strasz for a week.
Sudney's parents are never reliable when it comes to him having some sort of life outside of babysitting or being used as a slave.
Hero's seventeen, sure, but he has no job, no way to make it out on his own, so he's still stuck with his mother.
Dre, she's the only one I can really count on, we're both in the same pit. The only sad thing is that her mom can be a bit unfair, so even hanging out with her is a bit tough. That, and she has work.
And then Mom and Patrick talked and said that I could leave to go to Capac for a week, but then I found out the day I left, would be the day right before K Sizzle left, and the day I would come back, would be the day after she would end up going on another vacation for a good amount of time.
But I might leave on a later day or something.
Not sure.

Ah, I almost forgot to say...
I'm thinking that I might just become anorexic this summer.
It's not because I'm using it as a way to lose the weight I need to lose, it's because I'm a pathetic excuse for a person.
I'm going to be too lazy to cook anything, and everything in my fridge is something I either don't like, or requires cooking.
And since I'm fending for myself.
I'm not going to bother with any of that.
Anorexia, here I come!
How fun.

We'll see how often I update this...

06-05-08

I kissed a girl and I liked it...
Ha, I LOVE that song.

Anywho, computer's dead again, duh.
On the wii, which takes two years to type one thing...
Oh well text if you got the number.

05-04-08 [Wednesday]

Well...shit.
Got into a fight with Strasz last night.
Today K Sizzle was going to talk to her about the situation they were in.
After school, when it was raining, Dre and I decided to walk to K Sizzle's house, to hang out with E Sizzle.
She ended up picking us up and we started talking amongst ourselves while K Sizzle and Strasz cleared things up on the phone.
After she got off the phone I was told, long story short, that because of Dre and I, her friendships with Aiken and Strasz were getting rocky, but K Sizzle and her were back to being normal again.  Whatever that means.
Anyways, if she's going to be friends with her again, I have to stop on the hanging out with her.
If Strasz is going to freak out every time K Sizzle hangs out with someone that isn't her, then Katie might as well just stop hanging out with me, because she's just going to start feeling worse about herself.
So whatever...another friendship I have to stop.
Six people.
That's wonderful.
I'm not even in the mood to type more.

05-11-08 [Sunday]

How long it's been...wow...

It seems that life's back to being in sync with what some call happiness.
It's tough to even begin, it's been so long...
Just when things were going awry once more, a small time well spent was able to fix it all.

I just love being able to look back into those eyes.
And that smile...
I'm just really glad I'm able to resort to all of that when I start feeling lame.

Hm..
Anywho...

Hero's moving in with me for a bit, his mother's a dick fasho.
I'm going on a diet with Mom, Dre, maybe P-Money.
All of this starts tomorrow, except the diet's going to be a little different, since I'm treating mom out to Bd's tomorrow, it's my mother's day gift.  It was going to be today, but since uncle decided to make food, it's a bit delayed.  But that's alright, since today everything's packed anyways.
I'm hoping hanging out with Hero for a while will be able to inspire some sort of change in me where I actually start walking around home, not just sitting at home gaining pounds and getting fat.
I hope Dre can help me out too.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, she's pretty much my best friend fasho.
I can talk to her about a lot of things, I still have some trouble talking, and I still feel like a bother, but she's the closest that anyone's gotten to hearing things.
P Money and I have been hanging out a lot too, and I was able to meet Hope through him.
She lives somewhere else, but we text pretty much all and every day, and I'll probably never meet her face to face, but it's all good.

That whole little QUAD thing was pretty much a disaster in the making, so two people have been replaced, the two people being Kaiya and Grace, of course.
Now P Money and I have decided that it'd be best to include Sareeezy and Sammestarr.
It works better this way, the hang outs tend to be a bit more fun actually, everyone's able to joke around without any odd lameness.

I'm pretty much a mess in the whole career thing, Dre, Sudney and K Sizzle all have jobs, this results in me feeling pathetic due to the fact that I'm the older one of them all and I'm still jobless.
And better yet, I'm also being, occasionally, driven around by Sareezy, who's also younger than me, and this also adds to my patheticness.
I'm thinking of just getting a job at the Little Ceaser's by my house, it's kind of walking distance, which saves for gas and such, and it's fer sure hiring.
I'll be nervous though, I'll be the only one working there, that I've seen, that has some sort of light complexion.
I'm not scared of the people, I'm scared of being made fun of.
That and the fact that whenever I go there, people complain about the rate of the food, but I'm sure that because they need people, so maybe I can change that or something...but I'm going to hate it in the summer, I hate the heat.

I'm starting to wear shorts, which sucks, but doesn't at the same time.
I hate not wearing pants, but it makes the heat a little more tolerable.

I hate being fat and a mess.
And I dont understand why people argue with me about this, but whatever.
You guys have your views, and I have mine.
There's no way that my minds going to be changed.
I know what I look like, I see me with no clothes on, you don't.
Take that anyways you want, it's not intended to be a joke though.
Understand that.

I'm enjoying this writing of certain events that have happened, but there's a lot and I keep forgetting what.
But I know this one event that is in need to be said.

Yeah, so...remember Cheyenne?
Well, Cheyenne = Dick.
Easy, right?  Well, I'm sure you want an explanation, so I'll be generous and tell you.

Turns out she was talking about how she got irritated with me, when she would end up telling me otherwise in trying to find a way to salvage anything back from our relationship.  Anywho, she also said that her mother told her, and I quote: "Next time you bring someone home, make sure they're taller than you"  How mature right?
It doesn't help to the fact that I've been freaking out about that fact before I had heard that news, so anyways, I decided if she wanted to be a dick, I might as well too.
I treated her like shit one day, after she already had a bad day. [Let's go!]  And she called me a douche bag, dick, etc.
I told grandma to call her and say that the douche bag told her to call her, and she did, and I guess she felt bad about it.
Not only this, but she was going to prom.
Got rejected, pretty much twice, then decided to use Youngblood, when she didn't even want to.
Then she goes on to say that she wasn't using anyone...I'm not a genius or anything but...
What is it called when one person is completely desperate to go to an event that they don't even belong in, and they their plan A and B both fail, they go and use their plan C?
But hey, I'm just asking.

Ah yes, I was able to destroy one...two...three...four?  "friendships" within the spand of a little less than a month.
Isn't that wonderful? 
But I kind of mended one, for the sake of someone else.
It's nice.
I enjoy acting like a dick.
It's new to me though, but I'm not bad at it.
I like being able to lash out without care of what comes back.

Ah, yes.
I forgot.
Lately I've been having this little breathing problem.
I'll go to breathe, then as I'm breathing, it's like I take an extra breath, then I shudder it out.
It's rather annoying, I've just come to the conclusion that I hate breathing.
Except I haven't just done it.
But this month I have.

But that's about it for now...I don't know when I'll be back...
Oh well.
Bye.
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