January 15th, 2008

01-15-08 [Tuesday]

This is like the whole thing people tell you about cocoons.
Don't touch it, you'll end up killing the butterfly in an attempt to do good.
It's best to just let life do what it's meant to do without interference.
But then you just can't help trying to help that poor butterfly, so what do you do?
You help it out of the cocoon.
First you're happy because the butterfly's able to now stretch it wings and be free from that vice it used to once use as shelter, but then once the butterfly attempts to fly and it falls down weak and brittle only to die a sad flightless life...

I wonder how many beautiful things I have crushed and destroyed.  But what's different is this..I'm not that small young kid attempting to benefit the butterfly....  I think I'm a type of greedy person who does everything to benefit for themselves.  But it's not like everything I do is to purposely hurt others in order for me to gain.  I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before but I just can't help the fact that this is haunting my very existence.  I live the world full of temptation, depression and every other time of negative thing imaginable.  It doesn't help to be the weaker man and fall into all of this but...I was never very strong.  Physically, Emotionally and/or Mentally, I've always been very weak at these things.  The only thing that masks this is the fact that I always hide, persay.  What's there to do though?  I loathe talking more than I hate every little thing about myself.  And then there's the added extra frustration of all the things in life that are going to end up crushing me even more.  I can't even think straight anymore...Ugh.

I am kind of like...cancer sticks.  Kind of.  Some of the things that we have in common are the eventual destructions of people.  Not just flat out physical on my part than on the other two, possibly.  All I know is that I don't start out that way.  I mean...I do, but it doesn't show bad.  How can this really even be possible.  I'm pretty sick of complaining and everything but I don't think it's fair to possibly end up having something positive being built, but then it ends up being destroyed twofold.  Things like this make me picture life better as a hermit crab.  Then no destruction would would have to take place because I'd take my home to a cave and live off of rocks.  Then things would be great.

Like I said...I'm a weak man.