May 11th, 2008

05-11-08 [Sunday]

How long it's been...wow...

It seems that life's back to being in sync with what some call happiness.
It's tough to even begin, it's been so long...
Just when things were going awry once more, a small time well spent was able to fix it all.

I just love being able to look back into those eyes.
And that smile...
I'm just really glad I'm able to resort to all of that when I start feeling lame.

Hm..
Anywho...

Hero's moving in with me for a bit, his mother's a dick fasho.
I'm going on a diet with Mom, Dre, maybe P-Money.
All of this starts tomorrow, except the diet's going to be a little different, since I'm treating mom out to Bd's tomorrow, it's my mother's day gift.  It was going to be today, but since uncle decided to make food, it's a bit delayed.  But that's alright, since today everything's packed anyways.
I'm hoping hanging out with Hero for a while will be able to inspire some sort of change in me where I actually start walking around home, not just sitting at home gaining pounds and getting fat.
I hope Dre can help me out too.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, she's pretty much my best friend fasho.
I can talk to her about a lot of things, I still have some trouble talking, and I still feel like a bother, but she's the closest that anyone's gotten to hearing things.
P Money and I have been hanging out a lot too, and I was able to meet Hope through him.
She lives somewhere else, but we text pretty much all and every day, and I'll probably never meet her face to face, but it's all good.

That whole little QUAD thing was pretty much a disaster in the making, so two people have been replaced, the two people being Kaiya and Grace, of course.
Now P Money and I have decided that it'd be best to include Sareeezy and Sammestarr.
It works better this way, the hang outs tend to be a bit more fun actually, everyone's able to joke around without any odd lameness.

I'm pretty much a mess in the whole career thing, Dre, Sudney and K Sizzle all have jobs, this results in me feeling pathetic due to the fact that I'm the older one of them all and I'm still jobless.
And better yet, I'm also being, occasionally, driven around by Sareezy, who's also younger than me, and this also adds to my patheticness.
I'm thinking of just getting a job at the Little Ceaser's by my house, it's kind of walking distance, which saves for gas and such, and it's fer sure hiring.
I'll be nervous though, I'll be the only one working there, that I've seen, that has some sort of light complexion.
I'm not scared of the people, I'm scared of being made fun of.
That and the fact that whenever I go there, people complain about the rate of the food, but I'm sure that because they need people, so maybe I can change that or something...but I'm going to hate it in the summer, I hate the heat.

I'm starting to wear shorts, which sucks, but doesn't at the same time.
I hate not wearing pants, but it makes the heat a little more tolerable.

I hate being fat and a mess.
And I dont understand why people argue with me about this, but whatever.
You guys have your views, and I have mine.
There's no way that my minds going to be changed.
I know what I look like, I see me with no clothes on, you don't.
Take that anyways you want, it's not intended to be a joke though.
Understand that.

I'm enjoying this writing of certain events that have happened, but there's a lot and I keep forgetting what.
But I know this one event that is in need to be said.

Yeah, so...remember Cheyenne?
Well, Cheyenne = Dick.
Easy, right?  Well, I'm sure you want an explanation, so I'll be generous and tell you.

Turns out she was talking about how she got irritated with me, when she would end up telling me otherwise in trying to find a way to salvage anything back from our relationship.  Anywho, she also said that her mother told her, and I quote: "Next time you bring someone home, make sure they're taller than you"  How mature right?
It doesn't help to the fact that I've been freaking out about that fact before I had heard that news, so anyways, I decided if she wanted to be a dick, I might as well too.
I treated her like shit one day, after she already had a bad day. [Let's go!]  And she called me a douche bag, dick, etc.
I told grandma to call her and say that the douche bag told her to call her, and she did, and I guess she felt bad about it.
Not only this, but she was going to prom.
Got rejected, pretty much twice, then decided to use Youngblood, when she didn't even want to.
Then she goes on to say that she wasn't using anyone...I'm not a genius or anything but...
What is it called when one person is completely desperate to go to an event that they don't even belong in, and they their plan A and B both fail, they go and use their plan C?
But hey, I'm just asking.

Ah yes, I was able to destroy one...two...three...four?  "friendships" within the spand of a little less than a month.
Isn't that wonderful? 
But I kind of mended one, for the sake of someone else.
It's nice.
I enjoy acting like a dick.
It's new to me though, but I'm not bad at it.
I like being able to lash out without care of what comes back.

Ah, yes.
I forgot.
Lately I've been having this little breathing problem.
I'll go to breathe, then as I'm breathing, it's like I take an extra breath, then I shudder it out.
It's rather annoying, I've just come to the conclusion that I hate breathing.
Except I haven't just done it.
But this month I have.

But that's about it for now...I don't know when I'll be back...
Oh well.
Bye.
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