01-15-08 [Tuesday]

This is like the whole thing people tell you about cocoons.
Don't touch it, you'll end up killing the butterfly in an attempt to do good.
It's best to just let life do what it's meant to do without interference.
But then you just can't help trying to help that poor butterfly, so what do you do?
You help it out of the cocoon.
First you're happy because the butterfly's able to now stretch it wings and be free from that vice it used to once use as shelter, but then once the butterfly attempts to fly and it falls down weak and brittle only to die a sad flightless life...

I wonder how many beautiful things I have crushed and destroyed.  But what's different is this..I'm not that small young kid attempting to benefit the butterfly....  I think I'm a type of greedy person who does everything to benefit for themselves.  But it's not like everything I do is to purposely hurt others in order for me to gain.  I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before but I just can't help the fact that this is haunting my very existence.  I live the world full of temptation, depression and every other time of negative thing imaginable.  It doesn't help to be the weaker man and fall into all of this but...I was never very strong.  Physically, Emotionally and/or Mentally, I've always been very weak at these things.  The only thing that masks this is the fact that I always hide, persay.  What's there to do though?  I loathe talking more than I hate every little thing about myself.  And then there's the added extra frustration of all the things in life that are going to end up crushing me even more.  I can't even think straight anymore...Ugh.

I am kind of like...cancer sticks.  Kind of.  Some of the things that we have in common are the eventual destructions of people.  Not just flat out physical on my part than on the other two, possibly.  All I know is that I don't start out that way.  I mean...I do, but it doesn't show bad.  How can this really even be possible.  I'm pretty sick of complaining and everything but I don't think it's fair to possibly end up having something positive being built, but then it ends up being destroyed twofold.  Things like this make me picture life better as a hermit crab.  Then no destruction would would have to take place because I'd take my home to a cave and live off of rocks.  Then things would be great.

Like I said...I'm a weak man.

01-06-07 [Sunday]

Oh man I'm so disgusted...
What have I grown to be?
Something I promised myself I wouldn't be?
But does it really apply to me?
I warn and warn and warn, sure, no one listens, but I've made sure they know.

Ugh.

And I also miss you.
I'm sure you don't feel the same, and I'm sure you're not even aware of me, but I do.
So many things left unsaid and it's disappointing how something so wonderful to me has just kind of...died away.
I just want to sit with you and just talk.
It doesn't have to be anything more than that.
I just miss you.

*sigh*
Why am I just a disastrous person?
I ruin people is what I do...
I'm possibly the worst influence ever.
I don't even know...
I don't mean to, I really don't, but that doesn't change anything does it?

I'm sorry for everything.
But I know part of me doesn't regret it.

12-13-07 [Thursday]

In AGAT we were doing the answers to a problem that was about food, so the teacher was talking about a bunch of food, gettin me hungry and I hadn't eaten a meal in like a day or two so when she's writing on the board...

Me(Whispers/sighs to self): 
Ugh, I'm hungry

Leah[Who sits in front of me]: 
Did you just say you were hungry?

Me:
Yeah

Leah:
Do you want a pop tart?

Me(with Glistening eyes): What kind?

Leah: [some delicious flavor]

Me(Eyes wide)
Yeah please!

Leah(Pulls out pop tart bag and hands it to me): 
Okay, here.


Me(trying open it):
...crinkle crinkle...crinkle...crinkle crinkle crinkle..
Ugh! I give up...Leah, you open it please

Leah(Takes packet): 
...crinkle crinkle crinkle...
Here 
(Arm goes back)

So I go out and reach for a pop tart and take it, with joy and excitement when I notice something from the corner of my eye.  I look up and the teacher is looking right at me, hands at her waist.

Mrs. P:
Are you supposed to be eating that?

She looks at me...
I look at her...
She looks at me...
I look at her...

C'mon, you're acting as if you don't know the answer to that!

She looks at me...
I look at her...
She looks at me...
I look at her...

Me:
Ummmm....noooooo...

Mrs. P:
Well, why don't you put it back?

She looks at me...
I look at her...
She looks at me...
I look at her...


Me:
I....cant...

Mrs. P:
Sure you can, I'm sure those things come in a little cellophane bag or whatever

She looks at me...
I look at her...
She looks at me...
I look at her...


Me:
I...don't know where it is...

Mrs. P:
Oh, there it is, it's on Leah's bag, now why don't you put it back?

She looks at me...
I look at her...
She looks at me...
I look at her...


Me:
I...touched it...

Mrs. P:
Well, why don't  you just grab some tissue paper 

She looks at me...
I look at her...
She looks at me...
I look at her...

Slowly, I nod and she turns around and starts writing on the board again and I get up from my seat, I quickly shove 1/4th of the pop tart in my mouth and start walking towards the tissue paper.  I can hear Gabby, Alisha, Leah and Sudney start laughing, then some other kids, so as I'm halfway to the tissue paper the teacher is about to turn, so I start fake coughing into my hand, but I was actually just making the coughing noise while chewing the pop tart.  When I got to the tissue paper I grabbed a huge bulk and covered the pop tart with it, so I start eating the other fourth of it when she's about to turn so I start "coughing" into the tissue paper, while actually finishing up the one half.  So when I sat down I put the pop tart on top of my backpack and everytime she'd write on the board I'd break a piece and start eating it quickly, but when she turned around I covered my mouth and looked like was resting my head on my hands with the elbows up on the table, and she didn't suspect it. 

This wasn't today, but I'm just saying. 
That day I made a vow that whenever I got a pop tart, I'd try to secretly eat it in that class.
So hopefully someone brings in some pop tarts tomorrow.

Other than that I'm still coughing badly.
Still strange sore body.
I'm also getting lied to and stuff.

I ruin people.
Go Andrez...
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed

12-10-07 [Monday]

Well I saw Chiodos live again.
Along with The Devil Wears Prada, Scary Kids Scaring Kids and Emery.
It was wonderful I was able to touch people.
Like the people in Emery and Chiodos.
+1 Andrez
I was in the first row and I was able to look at Craig in the eyes way more than about fifty times.
Sad thing is I couldn't record it because my phone was with my mom and I was in a mosh pit...
Kind of.
Long story short I got lost from the group for about an hour and almost go grounded.
And now I'm hooked on The Devil Wears Prada.
I love that they're a Christian Band, they're pretty amazing.
And I like Emery too.

But the good's been over and the bad's been settling over me like a bad cloud.
Not one of the ones I enjoy.

Back to the same situation.
Friendless yattiyattiyatta.
Who cares. 

Goes to show that the best career choice for me is a hermit.
Not like it'd be any different than now.

  • Current Mood
    crushed crushed

11-26-07 [Monday]

Oh Jeez.
I looked through some of my old LiveJournal stuff and I feel really foolish.
I mean...many things have changed but there are still bit and pieces of the same thing.
But I'm glad to say that when it comes to certain things, I have actually matured for the better.
I'm not saying I'm all crazy serious, psh, everyone knows that's not true, but I'm a bit more aware of others.
I've learned so much now that I actually go back and think of everything and I'm pretty greatful for all the experiences I've been able to have in my life.
Sure, some sucked big time, specially during that time, but then, when I looked back at everything today, everything just seemed so...stupid.
I don't know why...
It's kind of weird, but what can you do?

I was also going through some of the old comments and such and I came to that conclusion that I'm about to email Jarrod when I'm not swamped with H Dubs.
Man I miss that guy, he's one of the coolest strangers I've been able to communicate with.
I think it's fair to say that a good hand in the maturity change is because of Jarrod.
I'm honestly greatful for the one day he randomly checked out my LJ.
But now that I look back and reread what he put, about his mother and all, I'm more than a bit sad that I've lost contact with him.  I just have so many questions to ask and maybe not just overfill him with questions, but I'd like to know what's been going on in his life...

*sigh* 
I really do wish I didn't have to take the tough advanced classes...
I can't remember one night I actually went to bed early.
And when I say early, I mean like...elevens, not one in the morning the next day.
But what am I supposed to do now that my alarm clock doesnt work?
That's what sucks about being a heavy sleeper...you become immuned to whatever sound.
Man this is lame.

I also have to dress up tomorrow for a dumb Academic Letter.
This letter is supposedly for your Varsity Jacket.
Here's the problem:

1.) I'm not on Varsity
2.) I don't have to money to waste on a 600 dollar jacket.

Besides I probably couldnt pull it off...
Oh well, I don't like dressing up...I really don't.
I'm just really annoyed with all the big clothes I now own.
I need my clothes to lose weight with me.
Specially the pants.
I can handle the shirts...

And now that snow is starting to show up, I'm going to  have to start getting some good shoes.
Not my Vans...
That look like sneek-uhs.
And now that I'm going to have to start living in the new house...maaaaaann...
This is stupid.
And I've come to the conclusion that I have an addiction.
"WHAT?  HOLD ON, WHAT!?  ANDREZ YOU BETTER BE JOKING!"
I don't really think I am, but it's not a bad addiction...well...that's a dumb way to put it, addictions usually aren't too good, but I'm addicting to texting.
"Andrez that's stupid, that's not an addiction"
Uh, yeah, yeah it is.  And it sucks.
Unlimited Texting has to be both the best and the worst thing my phone is capable of.
And that reminds me that my mom used me to get herself a new phone.
And that saddens me.
But then she told me that she might get a blackberry soon, and I could have the new phone, which is sweet, and that doesnt sadden me...as much that is.
Then she also mentions that she might get her company to pay some of her phone bills, which would in turn result in new phones for the both of us,  and it would be a high probability.
Score!

But now it's time to go before I get yelled at.
Good night.

:]
  • Current Music
    Swing_Savage

11-23-07 [Friday]

Well, things have chaged...
I'm a single man.
I'm a trouble bringing man.
It's true...

Kevin's over but he's sleeping...
Tomorrow we might go to that fancy mall, Patridge Creek?
I'm making a Wish List I guess.
So far I've got these down:

1.)  iPod Touch
2.)  License
3.)  Car
4.)  [Better]Camera

But I'm positive that there's more...
I just can't think.


Anyways, I've been freaking out a lot lately trying to get projects done and this week was the first week I was actually able to breathe since...well...a long time really.  
And I love that fact that everyday I go to sleep the same time I have to go wake up.
You know, the usual:
Go to sleep at [earliest] One, wake up around Five.
It happens.

And I hate it when people just don't tell me stuff to my face.
Ashley, I love how you were talking about how I'm starting to piss you off and whatever.
Funny since I never talk to you.
Ever.

Oh whatever.
That's a good song by the way.

And now I'm just going to ramble on about stuff because it's been a long time...
Oh!
I met Carlos Mencia Last Weekend!
He was purely amazing, I got my picture taken with him.
Happy times!
It was in Indiana so that was fun, and while I was there I was able to steal some menus from some restaurants...
Gotta love being a Beaner.

Speaking of which, my mom stole my ethnicity, long story...
Too long, even if I am ranting on.

I'm getting very annoyed with Uncle's dog.
It's probably the most annoying thing in the house...
Very annoying and mean.
Not mean mean, but just like...well...very...biting.
I don't even know what sense that makes.

And the new house at HW is looking alright.
But my room is still empty.
I was able to look through some old boxes from the old house today and Monday and I was able to find some sixth grades notes and stuff...
Man...that brought back some memories...
Oh!
And the old computer from the old house is there, so I found the videos that were made on New Years when 8th grade was in.
Back in the daaaaaay...
Good times...

Miss 'em.

Shame.
:/

Well...things happen I guess...
Now I just evolved into a trouble causing being.
Because it's what I do.
Some of it I don't mean to do, honest, but then there are the good troubles which I do cause...
Oh boy...

Oh, Chiodos on the 30th!
Very exciting.
There are so many people going it's not even funny...

And I dont think I can go to Hero's house ever again because his mom's a bitch.
Straight up.
Shame, I liked being able to not stay in this house, which I've actually been secluded to many times.
Stupid.

And I guess I shrink around my stomach. [But not for long :/]
It makes me kind of happy that I'm thinner, but I still need to lose more weight.
But it pisses me off because none of my clothes fit properly... >:|
Grr...

I need to be able to not have too many things stress me out, because it's going to be the end of me.
Fer real.

Life is going to start getting stranger once I fully move into the new house.
:/
Oh well...
:x

I think this is all...
I think...

I'll do my best to come back tomorrow...
Erm...this morning...no wait, afternoon/night.
Something along those lines.

Okay...

There you go Alicia, now you can be a slight bit less bored. 
:]

  • Current Music
    Fully Alive_Flyleaf

09-30-07 [Sunday]

What the fuck is wrong with people!?

You hear stories on the news about shootings and deaths, you mostly think about how the world is just going straight down.  But in a few days you eventually forget the news.

But then what happens when you know the victims?  When you're pals with them?
Then you find out on the news one is dead and the other severly injured.

http://www.wxyz.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=4fdb23fd-da2a-42ec-ac9c-7b02ebeef7c2

There's what I mean...
There was no reason for those two people to kill.  They just did it for the fun of it, what the hell is wrong with them!?
Then, then at the end one of them takes a snickers bar, looks around and starts walking away eating it like nothing even happened!
People disgust me...
  • Current Mood
    enraged enraged

09-23-07 [Sunday]

Well, my birthday on Friday was very discreet...
Good.
The soccer game was tied: 0-0 instead of losing 0-3.
So there's an improvement.

Saturday Yi Yi and I went to Sudney's for a family birthday party, and it was fun.
We played spoons, a very intense game, let me tell you.
Watch out for Mrs. Sudney, she's a killuh.
Ay Bay Bay, Ay Bay Bay

Today...
Found out my uncle was coming...from Florida, crazy stuff.
So I hung out with Yi Yi at the mall then came back and hung out with Emily, Katie Sape, Mike Aiken and Bo Bo.
*shrug*
Wasn't really hanging out but...eh.
Then I came back to a small...family reunion, you could say.
Then I drove Mom's and Neighbor's car, fun stuff.

Having uncle here is quite odd, I must say.
Usually you'd say:
Okay, he's staying until next week, or whatever, then he's leaving.
But no...he's staying.
This has an almost...dreamlike feel to it, he even brought his pitbull puppy, Kaya.
Quite a cutie, blue eyes and all.

I dont know what's going to happen in this household, all I know is that change is on the way...

  • Current Mood
    indescribable indescribable